David Gowers ([info]dgowers) wrote,
@ 2006-03-22 23:23:00
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Set mark here.




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*
[info]dgowers
2006-03-22 12:48 pm UTC (link)
unLOL unangst. Curiousity. Determination. Sadness.

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?
[info]charbile
2006-03-23 08:52 am UTC (link)
Unexplained. Clueless. Motivating? Personal? Details?

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Re: ?
[info]dgowers
2006-03-23 09:40 am UTC (link)
Contemplating that being the kind of person I consider it right to be probably will result in proportionate dislike from many of those I like now, though my like is probably also partly misplaced. Over-estimation of the inflexibility of others.

Non-simplicity is okay in comments, so i will explain here.
It's like the buddhist idea of doing something in order to overcome it. I have historically struggled with this in the perception it was wrong: ditziness, hyper-excitability*, and over-appealingness. Basis of that was mainly seeing it as dishonest: too much superlatives, and I could say different things of a same kind were the best at different times on the same day or even hour.
However that works for me really. (the term 'consecutively honest' is accurate, however revisionist that sounds).
I feel dishonest, awkward, and even resentful when attempting to 'keep my composure' (present a logical sequential argument, talk to someone EXCLUSIVELY reasonably, be expected to present or be ready to present a reason for everything I do.). I will seem unreasonable and possibly foolish regardless of which option I choose**, so I better be disliked for what I am rather than what I am not -- clarity of mind is too important to do otherwise.

* the fact that I can accidentally slam the back of my knuckles brutally into a door and not notice in this state is a good measure of the nature of this.
** one: scatterbrained and easily manipulatable though i am not actually, or two: emotionless, directionless and vaguely bitchy(which i am not either***, but historically have avoided explaining my goals to others as it often seemed I was talking in a language they didn't know, and this had the effect of making me shyer about pursuing my goals around others and my goals relating to others.)

*** in the passive-aggressive sense I am not bitchy. In the aggressive sense, hell yes and that's an unqualified good.

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Re: ?
[info]dgowers
2006-03-23 09:45 am UTC (link)
The previous comment is its own example. It seems either my talk conveys unclearly while I am internally clear, or my talk conveys clearly while I am internally unclear.
(the first applies in this case -- I only convey what I mean when I write like I think, switching topics rapidly a lot -- even if the reader does not understand it, I am saying what I mean.)

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